Viết lại bài, sửa lỗi từ vựng giúp e vs a
Some people say that traveling to a ne…
Some people say that traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In the contemporary context, traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world. With regard to this problem, some people maintain that they agree with this statement, while others think otherwise. I’m strongly in agreement with the former for the reason stated below.
First and foremost, traveling to a new place provides lots of opportunities, one of which is the chance of learning about new cultures. You can learn a lot of heritage traditions from local people; they will show you and teach you, and show you new things you have never seen. Some people say that we can learn about new cultures in classes, but they are wrong. Classes only show you a limited number of cultural heritages, so traveling, in my opinion, helps you learn about new things better than classes. Secondly, when you travel, that means you are stepping out of the ‘conform zone’ and become more independent. It teaches you about yourself, your own culture, as it does about the destination. On the other hand, if someone is travelling but prefer statying in a luxury hotel, eating familiar foods, and never interacting with locals, that means they aren’t learning much about the world. So, stepping out of your comfort zone when you are traveling is essential.
All things considered, I strongly hold the opinion that travelling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world, for the justification discussed above.
Bài luận này có ý tưởng khá tốt, nhưng chúng ta cần trau chuốt lại từ vựng và cách diễn đạt để bài viết mượt mà và học thuật hơn. Cô sẽ đi vào chi tiết từng phần nhé.
Đoạn mở bài:
Bài gốc: In the contemporary context, traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world. With regard to this problem, some people maintain that they agree with this statement, while others think otherwise. I’m strongly in agreement with the former for the reason stated below.
Phân tích và sửa lỗi:
- “In the contemporary context” – Cụm từ này hơi dài dòng và chưa thực sự cần thiết cho một bài mở bài ở cấp độ này. Chúng ta có thể bắt đầu trực tiếp hơn.
- “traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world” – Câu này ổn, nhưng có thể diễn đạt mượt mà hơn bằng cách đưa vào cấu trúc câu.
- “With regard to this problem” – “Problem” ở đây không phù hợp lắm vì chúng ta đang thảo luận về một ý kiến, không phải một vấn đề cần giải quyết. Nên dùng “issue” hoặc “statement”.
- “some people maintain that they agree with this statement, while others think otherwise” – Cách diễn đạt này hơi rườm rà. Có thể nói gọn hơn.
- “I’m strongly in agreement with the former for the reason stated below.” – “Former” ở đây hơi khó hiểu cho người đọc, vì chúng ta mới chỉ nhắc đến “some people” mà chưa có đối tượng nào khác để so sánh. Tốt nhất là nêu rõ quan điểm của mình.
Bài sửa đề xuất:
In today’s world, the statement that traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world is widely discussed. While some people firmly believe in this notion, others hold different views. For my part, I wholeheartedly agree with the former perspective, and I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.
Giải thích:
- “In today’s world” thay cho “In the contemporary context”.
- “the statement that traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world is widely discussed.” – Câu này giới thiệu chủ đề một cách tự nhiên hơn.
- “While some people firmly believe in this notion, others hold different views.” – Diễn đạt lại ý “some people agree, others disagree” một cách trang trọng hơn.
- “For my part, I wholeheartedly agree with the former perspective” – “For my part” là cách diễn đạt cá nhân, “wholeheartedly agree” mạnh mẽ hơn “strongly in agreement”. “The former perspective” ở đây rõ ràng hơn vì chúng ta vừa nhắc đến hai luồng ý kiến.
- “and I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.” – Cách giới thiệu phần thân bài rõ ràng.
Đoạn thân
In the contemporary context, traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world. With regard to this problem, some people maintain that they agree with this statement, while others think otherwise. I’m strongly in agreement with the former for the reason stated below. First and foremost, traveling to a new place provides lots of opportunities, one of which is the chance of learning about new cultures. You can learn a lot of heritage traditions from local people; they will show you and teach you, and show you new things you have never seen. Some people say that we can learn about new cultures in classes, but they are wrong. Classes only show you a limited number of cultural heritages, so traveling, in my opinion, helps you learn about new things better than classes. Secondly, when you travel, that means you are stepping out of the ‘conform zone’ and become more independent. It teaches you about yourself, your own culture, as it does about the destination. On the other hand, if someone is travelling but prefer statying in a luxury hotel, eating familiar foods, and never interacting with locals, that means they aren’t learning much about the world. So, stepping out of your comfort zone when you are traveling is essential. All things considered, I strongly hold the opinion that travelling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world, for the justification discussed above.
\(Lỗi sai:\)
– “Conform zone” \(=>\) Comfort zone ( thay m thành t )
– Prefer statying \(=>\) Prefer staying ( dư chữ t ) __ Prefer + V-ing
– For the reason stated below \(=>\) For the reasons stated below ( thêm s sau reason vì các reason mà cậu liệt kê nhiều hơn 1 nên phải thêm s )
– Traveling to a new place is the best way to learn about the world ( câu này không có sai nhưng mình thấy câu này cậu hơi khẳng định quá á nên là cậu có thể tham khảo thêm câu này của mình nhé: ” Many people believe that traveling to new places is one of the best ways ” )
\(#hoi dap 247\)
\(color{Blue}{_AKhoa}\)
Trợ Lý Xưởng In Thiên Nam
Add comment